09 November 2008

I've been holding out and I'm sorry. THIS IS ABOUT RESERVATIONS

Okay, I have been holding out for a couple reasons and for you to understand you will have to endure these thoughts.
I am pretty close with these two girls and I think after this is explained I will write how my first crush died out and how the second one came in. However they both like soccer, have owned soccer cleats, have strong testimony and helped me do dishes. Now that you know the 3 things I look for....

It is kinda written to Kels and Stacie because of reservation itself.

I had a couple thoughts during my art class and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

DISCLAIMER: This may or may not be the voice of reason. You be the judge.

Have you ever connected with someone, where the words you wanted to share with him or her felt unlimited? Rare time there was not even words used at all that strengthened that connection. You didn't really have to think about holding anything back?

There is a sense of comfort ability, right?

Well I started thinking about that other side, the part that restrains us, is that a conscious decision? Or is it due to certain situations? In these cases, are we choosing to with hold thoughts and feelings.

For Kelsie and Stacie, I don't know what took us from A to B but I am certain it had to do with being ourselves around that dinner table. Yes I was eating celery acting like it tasted like cheesecake. Yes, Kelsie had eaten two dozen cookies all by herself that day. And Yes, Stacie was just laughing about the whole thing.

In the beginning there was two. Stacie and Kelsie. I met them in the church parking lot in Riverdale. It was late and the only light that existed was from the lights that illuminated the church. It was almost raining. And Stacie was receiving text messages.

So we had a sense of silliness that connected us from that dinner table, but in the parking lot it changed. Kelsie and Stacie let down their guard and opened a door to me into their lives. Both of you made a decision to share your soul. I shared a couple points from the recent work in progress titled: Voice of Reason. You guys may have connected to those ideas and even experimented upon those words to gain your own experience.

So what took us to that point? I think for 2 minutes you both let down any reservation about your own life, and or fears about your concerns in life, and let me in. if you hadn't, you never would have told me the things you did So there is a principle to note here and I would like to title it as RESERVATION

That 20-minute collaboration in the dark parking lot has still had lasting effects on each of us... because we let go of the reservation of fear and of what others or each other may have thought of us. A silver of trust now existed.

Today, it is rare that we would withhold information from each other. Between the three of us, it has been so progressive. Together we have dealt with the good news and the bad news or bad sticky situations. It has taken all three of us individually and collectively to grow with each other and to grow through each other and ourselves.

Sometimes we with hold truth or information because of the hindering thought of someone else. For example when we have a crush on someone or even dating multiple people and we aren't sure how they feel there is a huge sense of reservation we live with in our lives. How progressive is this characteristic in that sense? A reservation so strong it changes how we act, how we feel and how we think about the worth of ourselves. Ironically it even changes the way we treat others. Because we are unsure how someone else feels it is hard for us to be true to ourselves.

Harvesting reservations in our relationship with the Lord grows gnarly weeds that separate us from our true character and limited our growth to sprout. Hence through his love and because of His Love, He commands us to love him with all our heart, might, mind and strength. It is one of the most protective commandments to us emotionally and spiritually and that is why it was instituted early and we are reminded often of it. That is also why it is the hardest to live and reap blessings from. Personally I feel that if we truly devotedly harvested all our love and intelligence to the Lord, He will return it double fold, hands down.

As we magnify this commandment the Lord blesses us with that great and noble characteristic of loyalty. This allows us to magnify other righteous desires; it allows us to live other commandments with more clarity. The blessing of loyalty is a by-product of letting go of reservation, until we do this, the Lord waits. There fore the blessing of loyalty is obtainable through loving the Lord, which will only come when we can let go of other reservations.

Loyalty has been studied thoroughly and the doctrine is simple of how we may pattern of lives after the manner of happiness. Let’s study it sometime together.

The relationship we have with the Lord is a direct result of the type of relationships we have with ALL people. The closer I am to the Lord, the more able I am to operate as he does. I kept this in mind because there is strength in relationships that are built in, through, by and of the Lord. As I do so, I am able to extract the good and bad elements I have with every single person I feel I have a relationship with. A literally pruning begins to take a righteous root.

When we aren't exclusive to the Lord, a reservation is created and then co-exists with us whether it is in our heart and or in our minds. In this scenario. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO HAVE a reservation to the Lord? But it happens often, slowly and it is something we must work at everyday, just like any relationship that we tend to bear good fruit from. What am I losing or not gaining from relationships because I am consciously with holding myself out of fear or lack of faith.
I am at fault for this was an impression made to me. But I think I’ve been working on it a lot and the Lord has sharpened my mind to enhance the idea. I hope this is making some kind of rambled sense because having concerns and reservations are necessary in life as well.
Sometimes through our own thoughts or standards, reservations are developed, but it is when we are acted upon by these reservations or through other people’s reservations does it become difficult.
I guess I have a goal to live my life without reservation and maybe I should have just written that. But for me, I needed a resolution or a confirmation because I know that reservations can change our choices and even alter our thoughts to settle or more often create a period of waiting. Waiting on others as they work through their reservations. But when we wait, how much can we process? I have waited and even sometimes been glad when waited upon.
I don’t want to wait for something I’ve been inheritably given the gift to decide on. I want to strengthen loyalty and bind myself to the blessings surrounding it.
Thanks for listening to me sort it out.


carmar76 said...

Thanks for posting these thoughts today, Jenny. I think the Lord used you to show me a couple things, too! : )

Stacie Marietti said...

So this is going to sound super cheesy...but I am so grateful for that night in the parking lot. The advice that you gave me really changed the way that I was thinking. You have a talent of making people feel comfortable around you. I know I can always count on you to help me sort my thoughts out. Thanks for being so wonderful!

Jackie said...

Wow, that was amazing Jen! You're two friends are lucky to have you in their lives and you're lucky to have them too. Friends are a must have! :) You are such a writer...I love it. I totally get why #1 went bye bye and good for you. Reservation is good for SOME things but when it's too much, it's just a waste of time! And #2 didn't LOOK that reserved! :) Anyways, loved this post.

Anonymous said...

I love this post! You are so smart and find such great things in your day to day stuff. I'm going to try to be more like you.

p.s. I'd like to be friends with you and those girls sometime.