Burro Lane

To read about our life now:

www.burrolane.blogspot.com

BOOOM

Fishing Unto Marriage

I’ve received this two fold question multiple times,

 which encourages me to share some of my journal entries with you. 

Perhaps it will help you along your own path, if not, it’s my own record.

1. How did you meet Jack?

2. And where can I find someone like him?

To address the second one first; Facebook! 

All your sorrows, worries, lonely nights and worldly cares can

be swept away by your online presence.

Okay now that I’ve got the joke out of the way, let’s talk about fishing. 

As you know, I’m a Mormon, a “young single adult Mormon” 

and I’m 30, 

so I may fall into some stereotypes in your mind. 

I’ll let you go there if needed.

"Why is she not married?"

SIMPLE:

EVERYONE THAT WANTS TO MARRY ME,
I DONT WANT TO MARRY.

AND EVERYONE I WANTED TO MARRY,
DIDNT WANT TO MARRY ME,

Not to hard of formula right,

The law of attraction remains in force.

After my mission, I wanted to be married,

so I started to have thoughts that lead unto actions unto marriage.

If I saw a cute guy, 

I spoke with him and tried to build a friendship.

That was my goal…....for the past decade.

And 3, 300 Facebook friends later and

 a looming graduation from the singles ward

(by not being married)

I knew that was only one thing I could do,

There is really only one thing I had control over: 

Keep fishing.

I had dated enough to know what I DID NOT WANT.

This was a very safe place for me, 

because as I avoided what I didn’t what, the possibilities

 of what I wanted grew and grew.

Some search for exactly what they want. That wasn't me.

Who was I to declare such expectation to the confusing and busy world?

Throughout the friend-turn-crush-turn-relationship-sometimes-turn-friendzone process 

I had so many good experiences.

By staying away from what I didn't want, I was introduced to the threshold of uncertainty

to know if I really wanted something or not in a potential suitor.


If I said that I would only date guys taller than me, 

my last three relationships and boyfriends, never would have happened. 

Just the fact that I went through those prepared me to receive Jack. 

I will note that at one time in my life, I did have unrealistic expectations.
Ask about that one, perhaps it would generate a another blog post.

anyways

. (My last two boyfriends were a quarter of an inch shorter). 

I truly felt it, being open and know what I didn't want

was one of my way of communicating to the Lord that Celestial Marriage 

was important enough to me. Another key element was remaining honest and worthy.

 I wanted to see what

 He might place in my path.

I wanted my faith to grow.

 Disclaimer here. Although being taller, I was not uncomfortable, I just didn’t love it. If you’re not comfortable doing certain things (1. dont do them, 2. Go talk to my mission president)

My mission president will tell you,
 ELDER, be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I learned pretty easy that this is true, as an 8 yr. old politician’s daughter,

going door to door,

petitioning voters to vote and

 vote for Neil Hansen November 4^th.

Back to fishing. 

I need to have a fishing pool in every spot I felt like there might be a catch…. NOT a fish, A CATCH.

 So I signed up for LDS singles account and even fell inlove once.

I met tons of great guys

along with some creeps,

 but the odds were there. but it was FISHING.. or finding in Jack's words.

If I was dating every weekend there were going to be fish I would throw back.

And perhaps even a catfish.

 Side note to all you players. All you professional fisherman for life.

 In Alaska, I went Salmon fishing, laws restricted me from

 keeping more than two fish, so each catch I reeled in

I had to examine if this was indeed the fish I would fly back to Utah.

Being deliberate and investigating was key!

I signed up on Tinder and went out with

tons of guys that were afraid of online dating!

As if a mobile app soften the reality that fishing must happen to make things happen.

Ha. One guy even told me that he wasn't interested in me because of my body type.

 Threw that fish back fast. 

No a big deal, no offense taken, I’m looking for a catch not a fling. 

The week I meet Jack,

 I had 3 tinder dates set up, 

which I think it’s exactly what you should

be doing if you haven’t caught the catch you want.

I attended the singles ward regularly;

 I complimented guys to their face.

I gave them what I call “EXTRA ATTENTION”

 If I wasn’t sure how I felt about them but wondered if there was potential,

 I’d bake them cookies, no wait,

 I would buy them store bought cupcakes or a tie.

I'd examine that fish to see it was a potential catch.

 Now that may be over the top,

 but it never hurt me.

and it never hurt the guy that I pursued.

Once, a rumor was given to be that a guy liked me..

He was a catch.. I found out all his favorite smoothie and ice cream shops.

I bought gift cards in the exact amounts of 2 servings, so he could take me out

when he found out I thought he was a catch.

I took these to his house. I heart attacked his door!

I video taped...

Days later I found out he had NO interest in me.

Ha.

 I even allowed myself to be rejected which happened softly more than not,

but it didn’t matter because

 I was trying to find a catch! 

And I wanted alot of experiences that would provide me with the knowledge and faith to know.

Fishing take times and patience and understanding.

 It gives you time to ponder.
 The important thing to remember is that

certain bait attracts certain fish. 

My divorce guy friend text me last week: A

LL GIRLS ARE BAD BLAH BLAH BLAH…

. I didn’t respond… What was he using for his bait?

Once I had my fishing polls in my spots, 

I tried to put my best foot forward which mainly consisted of

 being myself and being honest with myself and my intentions.

Six months ago at a stake activity, 

my stake president pulled me aside and through my tears

 I shared how hard fishing was for me. 

I felt that I had great bait but all these fish we
aren’t the fish that would be good for me to take home.

 Me Me Me, my problems…

Then he said it: Sister Jenny, I want you to do something, okay?

“Yes, President, what is it?”
 I knew I had to answer yes because I needed to exercise faith.

“Each guy that you go out with,

 I want you to think, “This could be the one.”

That thought alone freaked me out. 

Why would he tell me that?

 And then I knew why it freaked me out, I never do that.

So it began, and the best advice I can give you from following that advice is that I knew exactly where not to fish, when I was lonely, I would still spend time with guys that didn’t even have the same standards or thinking or values or lifestyle that I wanted to have. That advice kept me safe.

And the timing was perfect.

And two months later my lovely awesome” recycled teenage” bishop (not my dad)

 but my singles ward Bishop 

gave me the key advice to unlocking my heart.

When you are single and 30 in the church,

 I would hope that the business of getting married 

has been filled with a decade
of life experiences, trials, down falls, and goodness. 

My bishop knows me as a wedding photographer,

 as most of my blessed clients come from that pool. He said to me:

Look at your life, look at your business, the business of your life;

 all you need is ONE investor. You’ve interviewed a ton of applicants; 

you’ve even had final interviewers pass way.

Treat you’re dating like a business and the Lord will provide.

Those are not his exact words exactly

, but none the less the words he spoke came into my heart. 

I don’t think limiting your application process
or interviewing is even safe
if you haven’t been in a couple semiserious relationships,
if you haven't been in a serious relationship,

 your business is young and you need to grow it through experiences.

 But for me, having had serious relationship and countless dates, 

the Lord knew I needed to hear it.

So I kept fishing.

Flash back to my mission. 

There was a bishop that had an older daughter that wanted to be married,

 so as a family they gathered together to perform a family fast;

 they fasted for her and sure enough within the right timing, 

she was married.

 I had a boyfriend that sent me on a mission, 

but when I heard that story, my first thought was:

 I’m going to have to ask my family to do that.

Again exercising faith.

Ha-ha…

And then September of this year came and something unique happened.

 My sister in law wanted to sell their house and suggested a family fast. 

We all added our plea; we all prayed that our will would line up with the Fathers.

Many things were written down for each family unit.

 Landing a job that was sought after for 10 years, 

selling a house to a buyer that would be an asset to the neighborhood, 

buying a home,

 finding a husband,

( I skipped the boyfriend request.)

enjoying the responsibility of homework,

 and magnifying calls within the church.

and some other things.

One by one, these things have been brought to pass.

During that family fast, 

we broke it together as a family

and I told everyone how great this guy was that

 I had only been on one date within three months.

 I even thought be liked me.haha.

Which  I didnt know at the time, do we ever?

A month passed by and I saw a

Facebook group titled: LDS MIDSINGLES OF THE WORLD. 

Wow, another good fishing spot.

There were 3,000 plus members in here fishing.

I saw that Jack posted something about being judged as a player, 

which immediately caught my attention, 

because I knew that he knew
 how to fish or FIND fish and I was in that same business too. 

But I did not think anything of him or

even of him requesting my friendship on Facebook, 

he lived in Kentucky and more importantly, 

I had a crush on a guy that didn’t even like me back and that was draining.

 So we spoke here and there and a weekend passed and
 I told my bishopric wives about this awesome guy
who I didn’t know that he didn’t like me back,
 but these wise women knew, specifically,
I will name drop the saint, Lydia Tribe said:
Don’t text him back,
if he is interested he will gather up the gust to do so.
I hated hearing that,
I had given him loyal extra attention and our one date was fun! 

On paper it was perfect, 

thats what I thought.

So I took her advice…

 and days passed....with no response!

awesome.

The next week, Jack had stalked my photography page and I gave him my number. 

We spoke on the phone for at least an hour the first night and every night it was longer.

Now days we skype endlessly.

 From the get go, everything was so natural that

we asked each other the heavy questions.

 Finances, raising kids, education, commitment to covenants.

And we felt the same, and when we Skype we just stared at each other.

 Our light and knowledge was so aligned, 

that we still grow together each day,
 and the unique thing about having the same goals is that it gives

you every ample opportunity to become one when you have a difference of opinion.

Deciding who you want to be with for eternity should be fun and exciting.

It should be taken serious through your preparation and willingness.

 Heavenly Father knew my heart and I just tried my best, 

often failing in my mind,

 to keep my fishing pools in the water regardless of the season of my life.

And maybe even when I didn't want to.

This is being comfortable being uncomfortable.

 It was important to me to do
 EVERYTHING
 in my power to be led to a catch,

thank goodness I didn’t throw it back

thinking there might be something better, 

or thinking that another fish was wading away

 around another fishing hole.

 The difference between fishing and dating is

that once that fish is pulled out of the water 

you are responsible to investigate it thoroughly
enough to know to keep it or not,

 if you haven’t fish a lot, 

there may need to be more investigating.

 The more experiences you have reeling in the fishing
or being the fish reeled in prepares
you for what you need to learn and become. 

Allow these experiences. 

That’s one reason why we are on earth, to gain earthly experience.

Dopamine, DopaMINE! My save button.

One of my favorite girls asked me about Dopamine. 

You see I've been feeling it alot lately and pondering about it too.

The question is, Dopamine, needed? or over rated?

I loved getting asked this.

And a week ago I was asking myself the same thing.

Can I trust the emotions associated with Dopamine?

Lets talk a walk with Dopamine real quick to sort out the reality of it's potential.

"Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine also helps regulate movement and emotional responses, and it enables us not only to see rewards, but to take action to move toward them."

So we know it as a simple organic chemical. Yet, deficiency of this chemical can lead to Parkinson's disease, so in that regard, yes, Dopamine is not over rated and  lots of great research shows the benefits of it.

We need dopamine in the right place 

at the right time 

in the right amounts. 

When it all comes together, we are the awesom-est person around. 

We, or I shall speak for me. I feel so enriched by the world around me,

and I just can't stop smiling.

There is always something to be grateful for.

Can dopamine increase our gratitude?

Its happening to me now.

It's really the opposition of emotions that can generate more dopamine.

You know happiness because you have experience sadness.

Dopamine will motivate us, 

and it is the driving neurotransmitter in competitive behaviors.  

It should be found in every romantic relationship.

Not in an competitive, I'll beat you at this crossfit workout, but a competitive edge to want to be your best self as you serve and love your significant other.

And this dopamine should be there from the get go.. 

ESPECIALLY from the get go.

That's what turns one date into two dates and so on and so forth.

When you feel great levels of excitement and joy, those are associated to

dopamine. So what's make you happy? Really truly happy?

Ponder that for a bit.

Below is the source and donor to my dopamine bucket for the past 3 weeks

His name is Jack.  and although its only been three weeks,

When we are talking about dopamine, time is irrelavant.

I would like to insert a disclaimer here.

I am not attracted to Jack because I experience large doses of dopamine. 

Although they help, 

my attraction to him comes from the happiness

 I have within myself.

I have identified what makes me happy. 

When you know what makes you happy and what you want and you work to obtain that on your own, crossing paths with someone that values the same type of happiness as you is 

turns into straight bliss. (another blog post)

To open up my heart a bit more,

I have had experiences that brought me unhappiness.

They were based off of lack of trust and dis honesty,

so I have continually grown and became more attracted to trust, and honesty. 

Its something I really want in a lasting relationship.

Jack feels the same way about trust and honesty as I do and as we share and validate those needs in our own personal relationships, that communication enhances our dopamine.

I mean yes, I love that he is all about garden and pruning my fruit trees, building furniture and photography,

those were secondary to what our true happiness was.

Growing into interests is important when building relationships,

but having prinicples of truth as your foundation is a rock solid way to progress a healthy relationship with anyone.

Jack and I talk about dopamine.

We study it and discuss other methods to continually

increase the dopamine between us.

We found really cool stuff!

Jack is a plant based eater which I love, with that commonality we have of 

loving veggies and other plants of the earth,

 we found that there are founds that

may enhance your level of dopamine.

Fava Beans

Mustard greens

Wheat germ

Edamane

Dark Chocolate

Bananas

Avocados.

See Dark Chocolate=LOVE. ha

But can one person have too much dopamine?

This is the only example I could find where Dopamine was bad.

On a silly note.

On a serious note. 

I have experienced relationships where dopamine was generated by a drug addiction,

It was fatal, which left me with tons of grief and wonderment about true feelings,

and levels of happiness in general.

Thankfully, I always relied on the gospel for the happiness.

But I missed the romantic dopamine.

The emotion of knowing someone gave you their heart and it was completely mutual and safe.

Being received when sharing dopamine is honestly the secret to maintaining those levels and

continually striving to enhance experiences with that person you care about.

Insert silly dopamine song here.

 And if there was a spiritual dopamine, what would we call it? 

Dopamine creates happiness.

But what is happiness?

In the scriptures, happiness is based off of principles of righteousness and the 

foundational core of all righteousness is the faith.

Faith is acting before knowing. It's believing before receiving.

It's putting yourself out there in the name of Christ,

for the sake of happiness and for the sake of the Kingdom.

My personal experience had help me to use these 

principles in

 pursuing and maintaining relationships.

Thus far, I'm ALL ABOUT DOPAMINE.

It keeps me coming back for more.

To me, Dopamine is my “save button” in the brain. 

When dopamine is present during an event or experience, 

we remember it;

 when it is absent, nothing seems to stick. 

Maybe that's why you were never even that interested in that guy.

He did nothing for your dopamine......

That's why its important for men and women alike to do their part to make things

new, exciting and stimulating.

Please pass me the dopaMINE.

AND THEN FILL UP SOMEONES DOPAMINE BUCKET

You will live on in the hearts of men, constantly

I wrote you an email today. Because my heart missed you. I couldn’t actually finish the email. so I just hit send and sat there for a minute.

How is heaven? You don’t visit me as much anymore and I can only imagine you are busy in the spirit world.

 My little brother introduced this song to me and it sounded like the eighties so I put it on replay for a couple years… I mean minutes.

It was the only natural to repeat it and re live it as often as possible.

It reminded me of you and I wondered if you would like the guy I have a crush on.

He is a good one, its early still but he has a really loving heart like you. There is a sense of empathy you gave me, now, 

I carry it

With me and I pay it forward whenever I can.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you and that love and missing you helps me to love others.

 I can’t think of a

Greater gift you gave me than your heart. 

I hope to grow a sensitivity to people like you.

Miss you.

Worldly laughter

"The laughter of the world is merely loneliness pathetically trying to reassure itself." 
— Neal A. Maxwell 

Musica

There's power in wanting.

There's confidence in being wanted.

When we want something, how do we allow that people to feel that are wanted more than

anything else.

How do we give the attention to what we really want.

And how do we know what we really want.

We search, we grow, some things seek us out.

Other times it just happens naturally.

To be wanted. mutually.

Day 100