08 December 2010

Grief, aka the sting of death

is like a child moving forward.

Like a child learning to use their body.

you mothers know what this is like..

I picture a child running away in a skip like motion, yet it

isn't running at all, its the moves we made when were


when we were experimenting with our bodies.




we can't decide so we add all these moves toward

and all the sudden

we are not were we once started...we have moved

and we are completely good at a straight line job or

skipping rope

because having this body and knowing

how to use it is

new to us

So grief is similar

I have often retreated into politeness

and private rituals,

I fight to appear less and more less isolated in my own room,


and mind.

The mourning has happened

in my car

in his room

in peru



during soccer games

sacrament meetings

girl nights out


creating art



I'm unready to re-enter daily life without mourning..

and I dont think I ever will live without it

but as the fog clears, my mind does too and

it whispers...

Jenny, you can do this. you have done this.

do this.

Grief shapes my body with maturity and grace.

and I'm grateful that is it some days the only darn thing i think about

The frayed emotions...

so some days you will see me skip and hop awkwardly into a run...

don't worry, its me and I just figured out how to do this