30 December 2008

A late night produced good fruit

I didnt sleep much last night for a couple reasons but I would not take those eye shut hours for the things I learned.
So we make decisions everyday. And some days we make very important decisions but when our heart is at the core of those decisions, it changes us literally. When we receive answers by the Holy Ghost, OUR life is given clarity in every other aspect, in all aspects. For example when I received an answer to serve a mission, it was by the holy ghost and the confirmation was so evident and strong that it then gave me the strength to break up with my boyfriend and Commit and do all the necessary steps that were in line with that confirmation. It was the hardest thing I have ever done because I loved him. Ironically Love made it hard, which now I contend.... REAL LOVE..... Should it make things harder or easier for us in our lives?

When Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ in answer to his prayer, that confirmation changed the will of his life. Every thing he did from then on out was dependant on that first version, that is commitment, that is conversion, that is true stability, that is what the holy ghost can do to us when we go to the lord with real intent. GIVES CLARITY IN A WAY LOVE CANNOT. We most of you guys got married, it wasn’t just the marriage that changed your life, it was your willingness to the person you loved, you prepared for marriage as you dated and dedicated your time and talents to them. A strong enough choice and decision began to change your life. Line upon line it worked out.

I realize now maybe that is why I am not married. I don’t think I am willing to alter and conform every aspect of my life to be married…yet, and maybe I say that because I haven’t found THAT ONE, none the less I stand grounded in the fact that all the paths that lead to marriage are paved with amounts of sacrifice I don't think I have learned yet. And I know I will grow into that whether it is through love or by the Holy Ghost when the opportunity arises.

But on the other hand when we try to live our lives without confirmation by the Holy Ghost, the shifting values creep in, weariness, inconsistencies blurs our vision, and we are enveloped in insecurities that stop our progression. WE can never truly commit to that significant other, to that job, to that choice. There is no safety net when there is no confirmation. Confirmation increases trust and secures of hearts to know we can carry out our choices. When you just know!

Sometimes we make one decision in our life and never truly understand the consequence of that choice whether good or bad, it has a huge capacity to bleed into every other aspect of our lives. We can't get away from ourselves and our problems, if we don't eliminate them, they grow as mold covering and eating the parts we thought we good, and the feast is swept out of reach.

Do we get confused because we are in love? This is not true love! It's not real love. It is emotion. I don't know what type of emotion it is, but it makes me nervous to get to know it. The emotion that overrides doctrinally based application and decision making.

A very dear friend and favorite person taught me something last night. She said referring to "playing the field" and dating guys “I could not fully try to love one person without solely focusing on that one.” In soccer that is crazy to imagine trying to play all positions on the field at once! My college coach would have first laughed and then sent me running laps for my selfish ways. Imagine what Heavenly Father feels when he sees us trying to take others positions or just avoiding the position he has given us. How vain of us to think we can live our lives with such a thin spread layer, who are we kidding. But this I do know, Love is revelatory and true love always produces good fruit.

25 December 2008


I was so invested in this labor of love that I'm holding back my tears now. I tried so hard for a 4.00 this semester and I fell short in one course, and I may or may not cry about it.

Merry Christmas...because it could always be worse...right?

I just got two of these, i hope it works

Grow your own with our new Shiitake Mushroom Log. It's a gourmet's dream come true, just water and place in a cool dark place, and in 10 days you'll have a crop of delicious, meaty Shiitake mushrooms. And that's not all, the log can keep producing a crop of mushrooms every 8-12 weeks for years to come.

22 December 2008


Card party coming January 8.

School starts in weeks and I've already emailed my professors

I head to Arizona mid January.

I'm fleshing out my new year's resolutions

I am still having dance parties

I made my first ugly sweater, I should be selling it to Anthropologie!
This past month I have been horrible at returning phone calls

I miss the sun
The sun misses me.

I eaten alot of blessed citrus this season

I am needing more of something which I have yet to figure out..

I need a good movie referral

15 December 2008

From Kathryn to me to you:
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and
female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop
their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to
mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers
till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's
reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a
We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a
red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

13 December 2008

I tread deep water

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 20 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 20 people to be tagged and tell why you tagged them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.I was tagged through facebook but I am unsure how to post things so here it goes.

1-Fact: I am scared silly to live my life alone, which ironically, I have spent the greater percentage alone than existing with someone.

2- Fact: I feel bad or offer sympathy for most old or elderly people, but today I saw an elderly woman buying beer and my sympathy was swept away. As if getting old isn't already hard......Most senior citizens struggle to drive under no influence!

3-Habit: I have trained myself subconsciously to put all boys in the famous FRIEND ZONE. I just now realized how great this habit will be when I find that one, after the fact that I quit scaring myself silly!

4-I don't think I ever got "trunky" on my mission but the smell of green grass freshly cut, took my mind to an expansive box of molding memories: Soccer, Strawberry burns on my thighs, planting trees with my dad, mowing the lawn, running through golf courses at night a.k.a trespassing. Gap grass perfume? High school in general. There isn't much grass in Arizona and for this I am grateful.

5-I have a testimony that all uplifting music can be revelatory. I use uplifting loosely, because I feel like Ben Gibbard knows me better than 78% of my friends do.

6-My favorite color is Grey, not gray.

7- My family and some friends call me J.lee and I actually love it!

8- I memorized the proclamation to the family, and it was there when no one else was.

9- I have conditioned myself to like and almost love all foods.

10-I will have a lifetime goal to budget better, I always think handmade paper is a good investment

11- I dance alot,,, alone, with toddlers more and my 14 yr old brother the most, in his bedroom. I just want him to be that heart throb gentlemen we all went searching for.

12- I have seriously thought a couple friends were translated, all the dorm rooms were empty except me and Maren, it just didn't make sense. None of us had cars,, it was the only legit outcome for their disappearance.

13- I have ignored or disregarded or didn't act upon at least two promptings from the Holy Ghost, two situations where those people actually passed away very shortly after..... If it doesn't hurt anyone, JUST DO IT.

14-I can peel citrus in one peel and take pride in it.

15-For the most part I have almost overcome my shortcoming of sicking my foot in my mouth. i think?

16- I take too many risks! and encourage others to live after my reckless manner of happiness.

17- I would like to write a couple books, I just need to create outlines

18-I want to be the master of myself in all things, in all places and at all things, none of this situational junk.

19- I miss my mission terribly and the joy I experienced living my life behind that name badge. Sometimes I shut myself out to it because I know it is something I can never repeat word for word. I guess that goes for all things. But i felt Heavenly Father's smile upon my shoulder almost everyday and especially on the rough days. JOY: JesusOtherYourself

20-I've only heard of one person maybe dying from a broken heart.

So i tagged people through facebook and blogspot

06 December 2008

The 4th operating Temple

Christina and Sara. Two of my converts

They are staring at the temple.

04 December 2008


In February I will be teaching a course at Weber State... Marbling Paper! It's cheaper and we are offering the community the course
I think later I will teach a book binding course to use the paper. But the method is amazing and you need NO art ability or creativity, basically just two hands! I aint kidding! OR CARD PARTY PAPER?! I think it will be Tuesday and Thursday evening at Weber State Art Building Check out more at my other blog:

03 December 2008

One art final down

01 December 2008

Growing through Gratitude

I thought a lot about concerning gratitude. I understand the necessity that thankfulness can bring into our lives, but defining it was something I feel is beyond my ability. I hope this is only the root and not the stem of what I have learned about gratitude. I’ve been submissive, I’ve been humbled, I have developed faith, I repented, and I washed, rinsed and repeated principles in my life. I have gratitude for LESSONS LEARNED.

Talks and discussions about gratitude should attempt to bring all people closer together, not drive them apart. They should create unifying bridges that emphasize how we are all children of God who should be uniting to help one another through our various struggles and successes.
I hope to emulate a greater more urgent NEED FOR GRATITUDE.
The experiences we all have gives us an opportunity to grow in and through gratitude. Amongst these experiences, things don’t always panned out the way we expect or agree with, but In the pre mortal realm spirit sons and daughter knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children you and I could obtain a physical body (he didn’t tell us to what measure we would be able to perform with that body) and gain earthy experience to progress towards perfection and ultimately realize his or her, or yours and mine divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. Wow, Can you really expect to realize your divine destiny as an heir of eternal life without passing through pain, anguish and even sorrow.
It happened to Adam and Eve in the Garden far after the presence of the Lord left, in the lone and dreary world, it was revealed to them as their own son murdered his brother, everyone gains earthy experience differently. It was revealed to the Savior as he bled from every pore as he suffered the Atonement for you and I.
Elder Hales taught:
"Gratitude is also the foundation upon which repentance is built. The Atonement brought mercy through repentance to balance justice Repentance is essential to salvation. We are mortal—we are not perfect—we will make mistakes. When we make mistakes and do not repent, we suffer."
So it is with gratitude, we can only progress by using it. As I studied this principle a connection came that related to repentance.
Repentance and Gratitude both require us to have a fresh view of God, a fresh view of Others and A fresh View of oneself. Ingratitude seperates us from Our Father in Heaven, so does sin. However Sin Distants us and even after Repentance, that is why it’s better to have never of sinned.
Ingratitude is noticing what is missing. Questioning the Lord concerning His Will for us.
Being willing to submit to all things is one of our best ways to show our gratitude.

Growing in Gratitude is needing the Lord, more and more each day.
In the same regard when we are grateful we are connected to Our Loving Heavenly Father. In 2000 President Hinckley counseled us with the Six B’s with the first being grateful. Quote: Walk with gratitude in your hearts. No matter what life presents itself with, In our wilderness we all have the choice to gratify our situations with Gratitude in learning about the Lord. Because it really isn’t about us.
So imagine yourself and the things you are dealing with right now in your life as I share this thought process what we might be asking of the Lord. I know that we will always be thirsty and hungry but how do we turn to the Lord.
Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?

Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down

Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not,
not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude

For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face

If You never send us rain
Daily bread, give us daily bread

Bless our bodies, keep our children fed

Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight

Wrap us up and warm us through

Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs

Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time

Or maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude 
A lesson learned to hunger after You

That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread
Oh, the differences that often are between

Everything we want and what we really need
So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace

Move our hearts to hear a single beat

Between alibis and enemies tonight

Or maybe not, not today

Peace might be another world away

And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You

That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream

In abundance or in need

And if You never grant us peace
But Jesus, would You please . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned.

Just as the Lord exhorts us to make decisions based off of good, better, best. He knows what is good for us, He knows what is better for His and Brothers and Sisters, he definitely knows what is best for us, we need to grow our gratitude to know the Lord through His ways.
As a Art major, I had the great opportunity to take the photo classes.For me the basic courses is where I learned the vast amount of my photograph knowledge. I got to make a pin hole camera. I got to use a manual camera and when my assignments were due, The negatives were just as important as the actual print I produced. For the Print was a product of my negative. The way I saw things their my viewfinder would eventually be blown up 16x 24 for the entire class to see or even fellow students on campus.
I don’t always think about that as I shot my film, but as it was displayed for others to view it become more apparent to me how important my perception was and my perspective to the world. I have often thought about the digitalize world and convinces of cropping photos these days.
We just crop out the parts we don’t like. Our ability to know Gratitude will be appanrent when we stand before our Loving Heavenly Father, the negatives prints will be there with us as well. How did we view the world? How did we record our life. Was it through the lense of Gratitude. Did we choose the best light in our photos or did we need to crop it out to make it look better. Gratitude for me couldn’t be a thankful list. It had to be a pattern on living for myself. I don’t like to crop but It happens. I know when I have taken more thought about my surroundings and what I was trying to produce something good, I didn’t need to worry about cropping. Because my eyes was conditioned to my viewfinder. It wasn’t a spontaneous emotion, often it was always a matter of choice. Now It is a decision I make early and often, the conditioning got out the bad habits but has saved me so much heartache. It became a perspective of appreciation, Now it doesn’t make my college art courses easier but it has always made it better. I testify that Choosing to be grateful will lead to a stronger commitment, a desire to try harder to be a better person. This will in turn lead to much fully keeping God’s commandments, which allows us to be blessed to receive All that our Father has, even Eternal life, the greatest of all gifts. True Gratitude is trying to do the best you can with what you’ve got.

26 November 2008

Less about Turk more about thank

Post a comment, the first thoughts that come to your mind about Gratitude
I will be speaking about Gratitude this sunday in sacrament.

P.s. I don't know your email mike? Help a sista out

25 November 2008


I have a story for those of you interested. (leave your email)


22 November 2008

An urge of explaination of thoughts

A baby doll

This is my gorgeous niece. Born two months ago.

I appreciate my crush post being received so well by you guys. I think it sometimes gave me that extra umph to produce more note worthy experiences.
At the time of that post I had no reservations about Handsome guy, even though I knew he had a "previous commitment" that at the time wasn't able to completely commit to. It didn't really feel like that when I was around him.
The course has changed and become more scenic which has left me wondering about which turn I may take. I love long drives, but not when it's involuntary.
But because you were so invested in at least that post. And i feel like I only get to communicate through blogging with some of you. I need to respond.
In order of the comments posted, mainly because it would be a conversation unfinsihed, and we all know that ain't my style:

I loved your legit comment about knowing about facebook and maybe reading this blog. I knew I had to be committed in a degree to be able to post my crush thoughts. But it was a way to let go of reservation without knowing the outcome. And I grew and I couldn't have asked for more.

laurasheridan: I am grateful you are always looking out for my welfare. about the soccer cleats. Handsome guy made a joke when we were on the phone, he was at the mall and said: "Oh I should see if they have soccer cleats ON SALE" Capitalized is the red flag. Many elements of unsurety. I want a guy that wants the best cleats. Kangaroo leather. Something that stands the test of time..right?

Amy-Queen of Kings: I felt your investment and joy. But you must tell me when you don't feel right. There is a lot to be said about the way you feel as you read, especially through the computer screen. I loved your counsel. (Side note: they make computers for the blind,, a Brail screen. A blind man in Arizona read the Book Of Mormon off the screen and felt the spirit as his fingers ran over the words of truth)

Rogers: When dealing with boys or men, I do believe in the Law of Compensation. A good song for cleats would take a lot of faith building on my part.

kelsie: I don't have requirements when looking for a helpmeet to co-exist with. However I know exactly what I DONT WANT and I stay very far away from any one related to that list.

Stacie Marietti: Aside all aspects I know I needed to meet to learn about reservations.

Karen: I miss you two.

Becky: How romantical is being yourself? If only we could have understood this in the beginning of our crushing days.

It's Me...shell: getting new crushes is fun and refines our own skills to be crushable. Thanks for your words!

Cate and Kory: You just to travel this crush path with me. It seemed you were there helping me define what to do and what not to do and when we couldn't decide, we would just prank phone our old crushes. Help me learn to live again!

kristine: Because you are one of my converts. i have a special place in my hearts for your words of wisdom and you know me well, to speak in biblical words that I may gain a testimony of your counsel. we all know I am solely attracted to things that bear fruit and only things that bear fruit consistently. I like it fresh from the vine.

Lisa: I am sure your crushes are way more juicy than mine. none the less it was refreshing to hear from you and I can't wait til December!

carmar76: you have put alot of faith into me to live vicariously through my crushing situations. this also helps my reservations. Thanks!

R. Jane: You have graced my blog with your presence and it will never be the same. remember how I lied or fibbed to you and Matt and some how it worked out and you are married... I could totally use some of those trickery skillz right now!

Megan: A kindred spirit found way too late. You know exactly what I'm feeling. your post about getting out through facebook, comforted me. Rest your soul, you've got a good head on your shoulders!

kisa: my conservative girl, always watching out for me,, making sure I'm not up to something too liberal!

McKeeth: My lovely sister, just smiles and I love her for that.

emma: did you ever think they would be a day without my name badge on. It rocks my world to know you know about my crushes or my non sister missionary side, I hope to never let you down! What Sarah Said,, pretty ironic song to play the first time you hang out with someone.

21 November 2008

Falling Normal

It's just about that time of year again!!!!!!!!!!!
I Go Out Of My Way To Step On Leaves That Look Particularly Crunchy.

Stepping on crunchy leaves, I can't help but think about the immense/massive amount of fun I have. I thought to myself, I’m REALLY having too much fun… I then slow, to really get the full effect of a good crunch, rolling my foot over a pile, feeling them disintegrate under the influence of my foot, actually feeling the sound resonate in my leg… Is this something I should be worried about, could I have or develop a superiority complex, knowing that I can affect this something in such a way; could this lead to physiological or psychiatric problems?

I think we should psychoanalyze those that DON'T like stepping on crunchy leaves.

It's so sad when a leaf looks crunchy, and you get all excited.
Then you step on it..and it's not crunchy at all.

It's like a tiny part of you dies.

However this season hasn't produced the opportunity yet.

I'm watching, I'm waiting, I'm hopeful.

step step.. CRUNCH CRUNCH

16 November 2008

Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Love

For work I went with my Boss and his two girls to Disney on ice. I didn't know what to expect because it was my first time. But it was interesting as Bell skating on to the ice and everyone cheered. I felt something, still undefined at the moment.
The crowd roared.They loved her. But they loved her more when the beast was transformed into the long hair charming prince that he was. The camera came out in all their flashing glory. Anytime Disney couples were romantically posed, it was photo after photo after photo. And I know the operator of those camera were not 10 year old giddy girls falling for these situations.

A thought occurred and remained, because I knew it was the mothers and women in the crowd taking pictures. My camera did not capture this experience.

Disney Gave Me Unrealistic Expectations About Love

For the young of heart who believe that:

Glass slippers and pumpkin carriages are comfortable,

Swapping your voice and family for a pair of legs is a good deal,

Love transforms haughty beasts into Princes,

Pretty girls fall for hunchbacks,

Princesses fall for street urchins,

Kissing a sleeping Princess with 100 years of morning breath is pleasant,

All boys grow up, stop fighting pirates, and fall in love,

Gods give up their hard earned immortality for commoners,

And that falling in love with an explorer does not risk a nasty smallpox infection.

However I am still a believer.

13 November 2008


This kills me, in a silly good way. So I have ran into a few of you either on the phone or in person, and you changed our conversations to talk about my crush and why I haven't updated my blog since I mentioned this new seed, but you never commented on my blog. Which isn't a big deal, but come on guys if your interested, you gotta PUT OUT some signs..( blog comments of interest).

The night I burnt Halloween pumpkins everything changed.

It started off at FHE when my ward carved pumpkins, I ending up carving four which means, I'm pretty involved in my own thing. But this handsome guy in my ward befriended a brand new guy in our ward that happened to be next to me (Sadly, I was too engrossed in my punpkin to outreach) the artist in me was focused until this handsome guy hung around. Through slippery slimy orange fingers I tried to get to know him, and thought to myself (Why haven't I noticed his handsomeness). Immediately we made a couple connections with his mission and such, but even now as I type, our connection wasn't based off me loving his mission, it wasn't based off of him complimenting my carving skills, there was something more and it felt nice.

Handsome guy decided to invite people over to his house for a bonfire, I hesitated. I promised my homework we would hang out and spend some good quality time together, but those brown eyes of his seemed to convince me otherwise and I GAVE HEED.

Three of us girls got into Handsome guy's car and headed to his house and along the way he turned on music and declared he had a song for me to listen to. A dedicatory song to me, this was off to a good start. How did he know one of the paths to my heart was music and to step it up a notch. He played one of my favorite Death Cab For Cutie songs, I was flattered, floored and giddy about this. How did he know I love this so? I am usually the one presenting dedicatory things. He said he knew from facebook, which happens to be the second funniest place to stalk people (I mean give extra attention) next to blog stalking. So I was sitting in the back seat listening to this song, but thinking about his extra effort. I realized that crush number one couldn't produce anything for me, With that crush it was like playing chase with someone that played out of courtesy, he couldn't really say "hey, I just don't want to play tag, or chase or hide and seek with you" There is nothing worse than playing hide and seek when people don't take it serious..you know they are even the type that may make you hide for hours because it is funny to them.....Why was I seriously trying to play with someone that didn't take it serious.

There was about a dozen of us around that fire. And it was so much fun. Handsome guy talked to me more about not much and maybe nothing at all, but when you have that type of connection the content is layered by that connection. Everything becomes interesting to talk about because you're interested in them.

As he drove me and my mission companion back to my car at the institute, he verbally pointed out the defined connection we have.

The next Sunday gathering of lunch the old crush was there and I TOLD HIM ABOUT HANDSOME GUY!!! Speaking of him was so easy and a couple girlfriends were so surprised I told Crush #1 about Crush #2, but it was my closure that seemed to fit so well. (side note: I can't believe I pursued someone that considered themselves RESERVED)

So the bonfire was a great night and that great night turned into a great friendship. And this great friendship is something more. This started 18 days ago and I've seen him 11 of those, I only note that because I am working on my math skills! HAHa, you all can see right through me and I love that as well. 11 is a good number don't you think.

EVIDENCE of MORE than a CRUSH: Election night I was with him and for those of you that know me and my family and that night......but I couldn't not go.

I was with him last night. He gave me a sweet sweat wristband (that's another post) that I kept on all night, infact it is still on and I don't feel embarrassed.
With him I don't have to speak to him on his level, I am myself and it seems he even embraces that awkwardness missionary inside of me which gives me a sense that who I am makes sense, I feel it couldn't get sweeter than this, but you guys know how smooth I am,, so more sweetness is bound to come( I had to throw in some seriously so blessedness)

I actually have to give partial credit to Handsome guy about my thoughts about reservation, it was collectively revealed to me through so many people but mainly him because it has been so comfortable my level of reservation has been small. But here is the thing: currently he doesn't own soccer cleats! I am not really sure how to push through that. He did play indoor soccer with us the other night so I may or may not be letting that slide. You and I know how high my standards are for that help-meet! :)

There is more I could write but I'm going to blank-canvas it and open it up for questions

09 November 2008

I've been holding out and I'm sorry. THIS IS ABOUT RESERVATIONS

Okay, I have been holding out for a couple reasons and for you to understand you will have to endure these thoughts.
I am pretty close with these two girls and I think after this is explained I will write how my first crush died out and how the second one came in. However they both like soccer, have owned soccer cleats, have strong testimony and helped me do dishes. Now that you know the 3 things I look for....

It is kinda written to Kels and Stacie because of reservation itself.

I had a couple thoughts during my art class and I couldn't stop thinking about it.

DISCLAIMER: This may or may not be the voice of reason. You be the judge.

Have you ever connected with someone, where the words you wanted to share with him or her felt unlimited? Rare time there was not even words used at all that strengthened that connection. You didn't really have to think about holding anything back?

There is a sense of comfort ability, right?

Well I started thinking about that other side, the part that restrains us, is that a conscious decision? Or is it due to certain situations? In these cases, are we choosing to with hold thoughts and feelings.

For Kelsie and Stacie, I don't know what took us from A to B but I am certain it had to do with being ourselves around that dinner table. Yes I was eating celery acting like it tasted like cheesecake. Yes, Kelsie had eaten two dozen cookies all by herself that day. And Yes, Stacie was just laughing about the whole thing.

In the beginning there was two. Stacie and Kelsie. I met them in the church parking lot in Riverdale. It was late and the only light that existed was from the lights that illuminated the church. It was almost raining. And Stacie was receiving text messages.

So we had a sense of silliness that connected us from that dinner table, but in the parking lot it changed. Kelsie and Stacie let down their guard and opened a door to me into their lives. Both of you made a decision to share your soul. I shared a couple points from the recent work in progress titled: Voice of Reason. You guys may have connected to those ideas and even experimented upon those words to gain your own experience.

So what took us to that point? I think for 2 minutes you both let down any reservation about your own life, and or fears about your concerns in life, and let me in. if you hadn't, you never would have told me the things you did So there is a principle to note here and I would like to title it as RESERVATION

That 20-minute collaboration in the dark parking lot has still had lasting effects on each of us... because we let go of the reservation of fear and of what others or each other may have thought of us. A silver of trust now existed.

Today, it is rare that we would withhold information from each other. Between the three of us, it has been so progressive. Together we have dealt with the good news and the bad news or bad sticky situations. It has taken all three of us individually and collectively to grow with each other and to grow through each other and ourselves.

Sometimes we with hold truth or information because of the hindering thought of someone else. For example when we have a crush on someone or even dating multiple people and we aren't sure how they feel there is a huge sense of reservation we live with in our lives. How progressive is this characteristic in that sense? A reservation so strong it changes how we act, how we feel and how we think about the worth of ourselves. Ironically it even changes the way we treat others. Because we are unsure how someone else feels it is hard for us to be true to ourselves.

Harvesting reservations in our relationship with the Lord grows gnarly weeds that separate us from our true character and limited our growth to sprout. Hence through his love and because of His Love, He commands us to love him with all our heart, might, mind and strength. It is one of the most protective commandments to us emotionally and spiritually and that is why it was instituted early and we are reminded often of it. That is also why it is the hardest to live and reap blessings from. Personally I feel that if we truly devotedly harvested all our love and intelligence to the Lord, He will return it double fold, hands down.

As we magnify this commandment the Lord blesses us with that great and noble characteristic of loyalty. This allows us to magnify other righteous desires; it allows us to live other commandments with more clarity. The blessing of loyalty is a by-product of letting go of reservation, until we do this, the Lord waits. There fore the blessing of loyalty is obtainable through loving the Lord, which will only come when we can let go of other reservations.

Loyalty has been studied thoroughly and the doctrine is simple of how we may pattern of lives after the manner of happiness. Let’s study it sometime together.

The relationship we have with the Lord is a direct result of the type of relationships we have with ALL people. The closer I am to the Lord, the more able I am to operate as he does. I kept this in mind because there is strength in relationships that are built in, through, by and of the Lord. As I do so, I am able to extract the good and bad elements I have with every single person I feel I have a relationship with. A literally pruning begins to take a righteous root.

When we aren't exclusive to the Lord, a reservation is created and then co-exists with us whether it is in our heart and or in our minds. In this scenario. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO HAVE a reservation to the Lord? But it happens often, slowly and it is something we must work at everyday, just like any relationship that we tend to bear good fruit from. What am I losing or not gaining from relationships because I am consciously with holding myself out of fear or lack of faith.
I am at fault for this was an impression made to me. But I think I’ve been working on it a lot and the Lord has sharpened my mind to enhance the idea. I hope this is making some kind of rambled sense because having concerns and reservations are necessary in life as well.
Sometimes through our own thoughts or standards, reservations are developed, but it is when we are acted upon by these reservations or through other people’s reservations does it become difficult.
I guess I have a goal to live my life without reservation and maybe I should have just written that. But for me, I needed a resolution or a confirmation because I know that reservations can change our choices and even alter our thoughts to settle or more often create a period of waiting. Waiting on others as they work through their reservations. But when we wait, how much can we process? I have waited and even sometimes been glad when waited upon.
I don’t want to wait for something I’ve been inheritably given the gift to decide on. I want to strengthen loyalty and bind myself to the blessings surrounding it.
Thanks for listening to me sort it out.

08 November 2008

07 November 2008


Today is the year mark.... 365 days ago is gone. but not forgotten.

I feel there aren't words to blog to express my mission.

06 November 2008

The snow will be coming

I don't think fall was long enough this season, I guess it's still here BUT IT WAS SO FREEZING COLD YESTERDAY

02 November 2008

I have a second crush

30 October 2008


we burnt a pumpkin...... it was warm?!

18 October 2008

Recent purchase

I bought a house

And some burnt orange paint. my home was built 1892 and neighbors the Historic district here in Ogden.

I wanted to move out but have never rented...ever. It just didn't make sense in my mind. So I figured out my price range for a poor college student with low or little to none credit and

made an investment. Original windows, but mostly it needs love.

It's on an .25 of an acre. So I can't wait to Til the earth.

You will need to see it in person.

This was $5.00 paint and I have been buying home accessories for years, that interior designer in me. I hadn't match them up before.

but in design, you can trust your eyes... most of the time... Girls belong in this bathroom, Girls being pural means, I need roommates, so leave your husbands for regular dance parties,

Spinach omelets in the morning

Fresh tap water

noteworthy conversatons

The kitchen needs more cabinets but I was excited it was bare and not too over bearing...

it has a sweet green spirit! right?

So it is 3 bedrooms and one bath, half of the house was built with hard wood floors

So I can't decide about carpet.

I am impressed how large the closets are.

Okay so I really don't expect you to give up your wonderful marriage and kids but I am looking for roommate

Or a help meet. Help meet:Noun 1. helpmeet - a helpful partner
better half, married person, partner, spouse, mate - a person's partner in marriage

I mean this second room would make a perfect nursery

Okay well I will try to rent out the nursery to a girl, or use it to make my crafty cards... or my art projects for class.

There is alot of bare walls, after they are sanded down

I kinda want to do a mural or something fun.

This room is extra large with a walk in closet that was referred to as a second bedroom

so This is where I will be..maybe

White walls feel restricting to me and less personality

Everything kinda needs a personality in my life

What what is your favorite type of tree, what grows best. The yard needs me, but I'm committed.

There is a great tree house in the back

but the pine trees are coming down soon

I'm a tree hugger but these ones you can't hug

Working with very old iron

Tempted to flip it, but no plans

I wonder if Mary Poppins needs a roomy.
Email me if you know anyone, or they can email me