30 December 2008

A late night produced good fruit

I didnt sleep much last night for a couple reasons but I would not take those eye shut hours for the things I learned.
So we make decisions everyday. And some days we make very important decisions but when our heart is at the core of those decisions, it changes us literally. When we receive answers by the Holy Ghost, OUR life is given clarity in every other aspect, in all aspects. For example when I received an answer to serve a mission, it was by the holy ghost and the confirmation was so evident and strong that it then gave me the strength to break up with my boyfriend and Commit and do all the necessary steps that were in line with that confirmation. It was the hardest thing I have ever done because I loved him. Ironically Love made it hard, which now I contend.... REAL LOVE..... Should it make things harder or easier for us in our lives?

When Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ in answer to his prayer, that confirmation changed the will of his life. Every thing he did from then on out was dependant on that first version, that is commitment, that is conversion, that is true stability, that is what the holy ghost can do to us when we go to the lord with real intent. GIVES CLARITY IN A WAY LOVE CANNOT. We most of you guys got married, it wasn’t just the marriage that changed your life, it was your willingness to the person you loved, you prepared for marriage as you dated and dedicated your time and talents to them. A strong enough choice and decision began to change your life. Line upon line it worked out.

I realize now maybe that is why I am not married. I don’t think I am willing to alter and conform every aspect of my life to be married…yet, and maybe I say that because I haven’t found THAT ONE, none the less I stand grounded in the fact that all the paths that lead to marriage are paved with amounts of sacrifice I don't think I have learned yet. And I know I will grow into that whether it is through love or by the Holy Ghost when the opportunity arises.

But on the other hand when we try to live our lives without confirmation by the Holy Ghost, the shifting values creep in, weariness, inconsistencies blurs our vision, and we are enveloped in insecurities that stop our progression. WE can never truly commit to that significant other, to that job, to that choice. There is no safety net when there is no confirmation. Confirmation increases trust and secures of hearts to know we can carry out our choices. When you just know!

Sometimes we make one decision in our life and never truly understand the consequence of that choice whether good or bad, it has a huge capacity to bleed into every other aspect of our lives. We can't get away from ourselves and our problems, if we don't eliminate them, they grow as mold covering and eating the parts we thought we good, and the feast is swept out of reach.

Do we get confused because we are in love? This is not true love! It's not real love. It is emotion. I don't know what type of emotion it is, but it makes me nervous to get to know it. The emotion that overrides doctrinally based application and decision making.

A very dear friend and favorite person taught me something last night. She said referring to "playing the field" and dating guys “I could not fully try to love one person without solely focusing on that one.” In soccer that is crazy to imagine trying to play all positions on the field at once! My college coach would have first laughed and then sent me running laps for my selfish ways. Imagine what Heavenly Father feels when he sees us trying to take others positions or just avoiding the position he has given us. How vain of us to think we can live our lives with such a thin spread layer, who are we kidding. But this I do know, Love is revelatory and true love always produces good fruit.


Stacie Marietti said...

So I was thinking about what if you hadn't gone on a mission? What if you would have ignored those promptings because you thought you were in love??? I know my life has been changed because of you and your insights. Thanks for writing this post Jenny. You are amazing.

It's Me...shell said...

Oh Jenny you're great! That's the only thing I can say right now. I can't figure out how to put the other things I'm thinking right now. so, you'll just have to take that for now.

Amy-Queen of Kings said...

Jenny! You will find the one when it is time! You are so amazing! I can't wait for the card party! I really need to see your house and chat with you! Do you still run? I really need to do it!

carmar76 said...

Good insights!

Rogers said...

We need to talk! Come see me when you get to Arizona. I have no idea what is going on but I can tell that we need to talk. See you soon.
Hang in there.

tallialli said...

One of God's greatest blessings is to deprive us of sleep. I'm glad you stayed up and pondered the other night, because I can tell you have benefited and I've benefited from the wisdom you gleaned! Funny, my last blog post is also the result of having too much on the brain and the soul to sleep...I love you, Nesnah Ynnej! p.s. after reading your new years resolutions, i have decided we are creepily alike. and maybe we overbook ourselves. ;)