30 December 2008

A late night produced good fruit

I didnt sleep much last night for a couple reasons but I would not take those eye shut hours for the things I learned.
So we make decisions everyday. And some days we make very important decisions but when our heart is at the core of those decisions, it changes us literally. When we receive answers by the Holy Ghost, OUR life is given clarity in every other aspect, in all aspects. For example when I received an answer to serve a mission, it was by the holy ghost and the confirmation was so evident and strong that it then gave me the strength to break up with my boyfriend and Commit and do all the necessary steps that were in line with that confirmation. It was the hardest thing I have ever done because I loved him. Ironically Love made it hard, which now I contend.... REAL LOVE..... Should it make things harder or easier for us in our lives?

When Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ in answer to his prayer, that confirmation changed the will of his life. Every thing he did from then on out was dependant on that first version, that is commitment, that is conversion, that is true stability, that is what the holy ghost can do to us when we go to the lord with real intent. GIVES CLARITY IN A WAY LOVE CANNOT. We most of you guys got married, it wasn’t just the marriage that changed your life, it was your willingness to the person you loved, you prepared for marriage as you dated and dedicated your time and talents to them. A strong enough choice and decision began to change your life. Line upon line it worked out.

I realize now maybe that is why I am not married. I don’t think I am willing to alter and conform every aspect of my life to be married…yet, and maybe I say that because I haven’t found THAT ONE, none the less I stand grounded in the fact that all the paths that lead to marriage are paved with amounts of sacrifice I don't think I have learned yet. And I know I will grow into that whether it is through love or by the Holy Ghost when the opportunity arises.

But on the other hand when we try to live our lives without confirmation by the Holy Ghost, the shifting values creep in, weariness, inconsistencies blurs our vision, and we are enveloped in insecurities that stop our progression. WE can never truly commit to that significant other, to that job, to that choice. There is no safety net when there is no confirmation. Confirmation increases trust and secures of hearts to know we can carry out our choices. When you just know!

Sometimes we make one decision in our life and never truly understand the consequence of that choice whether good or bad, it has a huge capacity to bleed into every other aspect of our lives. We can't get away from ourselves and our problems, if we don't eliminate them, they grow as mold covering and eating the parts we thought we good, and the feast is swept out of reach.

Do we get confused because we are in love? This is not true love! It's not real love. It is emotion. I don't know what type of emotion it is, but it makes me nervous to get to know it. The emotion that overrides doctrinally based application and decision making.

A very dear friend and favorite person taught me something last night. She said referring to "playing the field" and dating guys “I could not fully try to love one person without solely focusing on that one.” In soccer that is crazy to imagine trying to play all positions on the field at once! My college coach would have first laughed and then sent me running laps for my selfish ways. Imagine what Heavenly Father feels when he sees us trying to take others positions or just avoiding the position he has given us. How vain of us to think we can live our lives with such a thin spread layer, who are we kidding. But this I do know, Love is revelatory and true love always produces good fruit.

25 December 2008


I was so invested in this labor of love that I'm holding back my tears now. I tried so hard for a 4.00 this semester and I fell short in one course, and I may or may not cry about it.

Merry Christmas...because it could always be worse...right?

I just got two of these, i hope it works

Grow your own with our new Shiitake Mushroom Log. It's a gourmet's dream come true, just water and place in a cool dark place, and in 10 days you'll have a crop of delicious, meaty Shiitake mushrooms. And that's not all, the log can keep producing a crop of mushrooms every 8-12 weeks for years to come.

22 December 2008


Card party coming January 8.

School starts in weeks and I've already emailed my professors

I head to Arizona mid January.

I'm fleshing out my new year's resolutions

I am still having dance parties

I made my first ugly sweater, I should be selling it to Anthropologie!
This past month I have been horrible at returning phone calls

I miss the sun
The sun misses me.

I eaten alot of blessed citrus this season

I am needing more of something which I have yet to figure out..

I need a good movie referral

15 December 2008

From Kathryn to me to you:
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and
female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop
their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to
mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers
till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's
reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a
We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a
red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

13 December 2008

I tread deep water

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 20 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 20 people to be tagged and tell why you tagged them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.I was tagged through facebook but I am unsure how to post things so here it goes.

1-Fact: I am scared silly to live my life alone, which ironically, I have spent the greater percentage alone than existing with someone.

2- Fact: I feel bad or offer sympathy for most old or elderly people, but today I saw an elderly woman buying beer and my sympathy was swept away. As if getting old isn't already hard......Most senior citizens struggle to drive under no influence!

3-Habit: I have trained myself subconsciously to put all boys in the famous FRIEND ZONE. I just now realized how great this habit will be when I find that one, after the fact that I quit scaring myself silly!

4-I don't think I ever got "trunky" on my mission but the smell of green grass freshly cut, took my mind to an expansive box of molding memories: Soccer, Strawberry burns on my thighs, planting trees with my dad, mowing the lawn, running through golf courses at night a.k.a trespassing. Gap grass perfume? High school in general. There isn't much grass in Arizona and for this I am grateful.

5-I have a testimony that all uplifting music can be revelatory. I use uplifting loosely, because I feel like Ben Gibbard knows me better than 78% of my friends do.

6-My favorite color is Grey, not gray.

7- My family and some friends call me J.lee and I actually love it!

8- I memorized the proclamation to the family, and it was there when no one else was.

9- I have conditioned myself to like and almost love all foods.

10-I will have a lifetime goal to budget better, I always think handmade paper is a good investment

11- I dance alot,,, alone, with toddlers more and my 14 yr old brother the most, in his bedroom. I just want him to be that heart throb gentlemen we all went searching for.

12- I have seriously thought a couple friends were translated, all the dorm rooms were empty except me and Maren, it just didn't make sense. None of us had cars,, it was the only legit outcome for their disappearance.

13- I have ignored or disregarded or didn't act upon at least two promptings from the Holy Ghost, two situations where those people actually passed away very shortly after..... If it doesn't hurt anyone, JUST DO IT.

14-I can peel citrus in one peel and take pride in it.

15-For the most part I have almost overcome my shortcoming of sicking my foot in my mouth. i think?

16- I take too many risks! and encourage others to live after my reckless manner of happiness.

17- I would like to write a couple books, I just need to create outlines

18-I want to be the master of myself in all things, in all places and at all things, none of this situational junk.

19- I miss my mission terribly and the joy I experienced living my life behind that name badge. Sometimes I shut myself out to it because I know it is something I can never repeat word for word. I guess that goes for all things. But i felt Heavenly Father's smile upon my shoulder almost everyday and especially on the rough days. JOY: JesusOtherYourself

20-I've only heard of one person maybe dying from a broken heart.

So i tagged people through facebook and blogspot

06 December 2008

The 4th operating Temple

Christina and Sara. Two of my converts

They are staring at the temple.

04 December 2008


In February I will be teaching a course at Weber State... Marbling Paper! It's cheaper and we are offering the community the course
I think later I will teach a book binding course to use the paper. But the method is amazing and you need NO art ability or creativity, basically just two hands! I aint kidding! OR CARD PARTY PAPER?! I think it will be Tuesday and Thursday evening at Weber State Art Building Check out more at my other blog:

03 December 2008

One art final down

01 December 2008

Growing through Gratitude

I thought a lot about concerning gratitude. I understand the necessity that thankfulness can bring into our lives, but defining it was something I feel is beyond my ability. I hope this is only the root and not the stem of what I have learned about gratitude. I’ve been submissive, I’ve been humbled, I have developed faith, I repented, and I washed, rinsed and repeated principles in my life. I have gratitude for LESSONS LEARNED.

Talks and discussions about gratitude should attempt to bring all people closer together, not drive them apart. They should create unifying bridges that emphasize how we are all children of God who should be uniting to help one another through our various struggles and successes.
I hope to emulate a greater more urgent NEED FOR GRATITUDE.
The experiences we all have gives us an opportunity to grow in and through gratitude. Amongst these experiences, things don’t always panned out the way we expect or agree with, but In the pre mortal realm spirit sons and daughter knew and worshipped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children you and I could obtain a physical body (he didn’t tell us to what measure we would be able to perform with that body) and gain earthy experience to progress towards perfection and ultimately realize his or her, or yours and mine divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. Wow, Can you really expect to realize your divine destiny as an heir of eternal life without passing through pain, anguish and even sorrow.
It happened to Adam and Eve in the Garden far after the presence of the Lord left, in the lone and dreary world, it was revealed to them as their own son murdered his brother, everyone gains earthy experience differently. It was revealed to the Savior as he bled from every pore as he suffered the Atonement for you and I.
Elder Hales taught:
"Gratitude is also the foundation upon which repentance is built. The Atonement brought mercy through repentance to balance justice Repentance is essential to salvation. We are mortal—we are not perfect—we will make mistakes. When we make mistakes and do not repent, we suffer."
So it is with gratitude, we can only progress by using it. As I studied this principle a connection came that related to repentance.
Repentance and Gratitude both require us to have a fresh view of God, a fresh view of Others and A fresh View of oneself. Ingratitude seperates us from Our Father in Heaven, so does sin. However Sin Distants us and even after Repentance, that is why it’s better to have never of sinned.
Ingratitude is noticing what is missing. Questioning the Lord concerning His Will for us.
Being willing to submit to all things is one of our best ways to show our gratitude.

Growing in Gratitude is needing the Lord, more and more each day.
In the same regard when we are grateful we are connected to Our Loving Heavenly Father. In 2000 President Hinckley counseled us with the Six B’s with the first being grateful. Quote: Walk with gratitude in your hearts. No matter what life presents itself with, In our wilderness we all have the choice to gratify our situations with Gratitude in learning about the Lord. Because it really isn’t about us.
So imagine yourself and the things you are dealing with right now in your life as I share this thought process what we might be asking of the Lord. I know that we will always be thirsty and hungry but how do we turn to the Lord.
Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?

Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down

Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not,
not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude

For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face

If You never send us rain
Daily bread, give us daily bread

Bless our bodies, keep our children fed

Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight

Wrap us up and warm us through

Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs

Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time

Or maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude 
A lesson learned to hunger after You

That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread
Oh, the differences that often are between

Everything we want and what we really need
So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace

Move our hearts to hear a single beat

Between alibis and enemies tonight

Or maybe not, not today

Peace might be another world away

And if that's the case . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You

That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream

In abundance or in need

And if You never grant us peace
But Jesus, would You please . . .
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned.

Just as the Lord exhorts us to make decisions based off of good, better, best. He knows what is good for us, He knows what is better for His and Brothers and Sisters, he definitely knows what is best for us, we need to grow our gratitude to know the Lord through His ways.
As a Art major, I had the great opportunity to take the photo classes.For me the basic courses is where I learned the vast amount of my photograph knowledge. I got to make a pin hole camera. I got to use a manual camera and when my assignments were due, The negatives were just as important as the actual print I produced. For the Print was a product of my negative. The way I saw things their my viewfinder would eventually be blown up 16x 24 for the entire class to see or even fellow students on campus.
I don’t always think about that as I shot my film, but as it was displayed for others to view it become more apparent to me how important my perception was and my perspective to the world. I have often thought about the digitalize world and convinces of cropping photos these days.
We just crop out the parts we don’t like. Our ability to know Gratitude will be appanrent when we stand before our Loving Heavenly Father, the negatives prints will be there with us as well. How did we view the world? How did we record our life. Was it through the lense of Gratitude. Did we choose the best light in our photos or did we need to crop it out to make it look better. Gratitude for me couldn’t be a thankful list. It had to be a pattern on living for myself. I don’t like to crop but It happens. I know when I have taken more thought about my surroundings and what I was trying to produce something good, I didn’t need to worry about cropping. Because my eyes was conditioned to my viewfinder. It wasn’t a spontaneous emotion, often it was always a matter of choice. Now It is a decision I make early and often, the conditioning got out the bad habits but has saved me so much heartache. It became a perspective of appreciation, Now it doesn’t make my college art courses easier but it has always made it better. I testify that Choosing to be grateful will lead to a stronger commitment, a desire to try harder to be a better person. This will in turn lead to much fully keeping God’s commandments, which allows us to be blessed to receive All that our Father has, even Eternal life, the greatest of all gifts. True Gratitude is trying to do the best you can with what you’ve got.