18 December 2009

My Favorite

He passed away last night. I have no idea what to do and all I want is to be numb from the pain. Peace and pain are passing through my heart together. I want you to know, what you love about me is because I got it from this kid. I wanted to be just like him when I grew up and someone as we grew up we raised each other.

He called me his favorite and sometimes I didn't know why.

If you have ever had a good back massage by my hands, it's because they were trained on his back.

If I have ever assisted you on the soccer field, it was because he taught me how to give a good ball.

If I have ever made you laugh, it was because he gave me the confidence to be silly.

If you have ever lost to me in a leg war, Josh knows how you feel. {okay, probably not}

if I have ever gotten your braces in your mouth stuck to the carpet, I'm sorry, BUT Josh DID IT TO ME FIRST.

If you ever let me love you, it was because he let me love him, quite a bit actually.

The memories of goodness flood my mind, there are no words to say how much I owe josh for loving me back.

I know that his capacity to support is beyond my abilities. The confidence that I wear on my sleeve, he lent it to me freely.

I know that his gentleness was recognized and well received by many.

I know that he loved me more than I could ever love myself.

My wonderment for connection between two people was met by him.

and I already miss him like crazy!

To the only boy I have truly fallen in love with: Josh,

Thank you for being you! Thank you for letting me shovel your neighbors' walks with you.
Thank you for the adolescent crushes in high school and the blossomed relationship post.
Thank you for sending me on a mission.


Your Favorite


Amy said...

Jenny...~sniff~...I love you and I am so sorry! I am glad you feel peace, the pain will subside! It may always be there but it will be less with time! ~tears~ I am here if you need me, we can talk all night long if you need to and I'm sure we can if it is about Josh! He was a good one! And you were so good for him as well, I hope you know that!

Amy said...

I'm so sorry, Jenny. I can't imagine what you are going through. Just know that we are all here for you if you need us. I'll pray for you.