06 March 2011

Cure Cancer

 I like too many things

and I don't know how to handle it. Or it is only just now,

I'm beginning to figure out the strength of this....but its been an  irregular road for me...

at least in my mind...

i carry multiple notebooks with me for

all the different subjects...

Artist lectures, religion courses

documentary films,

everyday thoughts,

church, scripture journal,

class notebooks

I take notes and feel impressed by many things..

the crazy stuff my teachers say and what my fellow students respond to

under their breath...

I'm guilty of even taking notes while watching television

.its overwhelming how spongely I feel sometimes...

yes....figurately, spiritually and even physically.

but sometimes it takes me awhile to review the words

i chose to record.

and sometimes I dont even revisit what I wrote..and that is where I feel bad..

Most of my records are for me and yet open and honest enough for anyone else to read and respond...if they do dare.

Is this process okay?

Secondly, mediums are becoming more of tools and vehicles for me..

The pen, the color of ink, paint and camera... my voice....interactions.

outside of the Fine Art Degree...

I feel like I am letting the world down when I can't tell a client

"Photography is my passion, I can't sleep at night, because it's all I think about, and when I sleep, I dream about it too, and when I wake up I eat it for breakfast."

I'm sorry.

but I'm sorry only a little bit..

When I hiked the Inca Trail in Peru, I began to feel bad for lugging around this photo gear, while the local men passed me on the trail, their backs were curved, they carried our tents and our propane tanks, with Cocoa leaves in their mouth to give them energy, while the people in the villages use it to supress the hungry, besides poverty is a reality to them.

Something happened on the Inca Trail... I remembered why I even bought the camera..

I wanted to connect with you visually. I want to know you and I want to know you through the experience we have as I take your photo. I want your friendship, I want to know you... which adds irony to this complex.... because the end result is a 2 dimenisional flat surface...a simple image... But as an artist.... the connect made remains... and the relationship grows. It happened when I was 11 and I used my dad's SLR to photograph my one year old brother...and I have been composition building ever since... ( I experienced this as I was a model @ school for a fellow friend/photographer working on her seminar piece. We met at my studio/warehouse and discussed her work, which included dreams....this shoot, my dreams...which of late, have been about me dying and others, trying to bring Josh back alive through my dreams....and going to sleep for that sole purpose....it worked for the first little while).

But if the best way to get to know you was a lunch date or a late night in the printmaking lab..or at church...so be it...

I am beginning to feel that I want my medium to cure the questions I have.... so this is less client based, which means I'll take your photos and you can take me to lunch....It will remain a vehicle to build memories, but it won't be the only vehicle.... and I won't lose sleep over it either.

Personally, owning and operating a camera has yet to cure cancer... You know how I figured this out... I got cancer... and I never knew it existed as cancer.

In 2006, The first Indain Summer i experienced on my mission in Arizona, I grew what I thought was a zit, which settled into a wart.. I left it there, on my nose...for years...

and then I started photo shopping it out......and I didn't notice it in my life in photos....Then @ the end of January, I scheduled an appt to get it removed.....

and there in the Dr. office I learned it was not a wart but cancer....

Speaking of cancer, I have encountered people judging me for using the medium of hair in my thesis project. As I have been collecting scraps and ponytails.... They reply to me in disguist, they cannot gather the guts to donate hair for art, but to the Locks of Love society....

News Flash

 donating hair to cancer doesnt cure cancer...side note... all healthy hair in the according lengths will be donated to cancer...for wigs...for those strong survivors..whom I admire and commemorate their lives by donating and do my part to help other survive in different ways.

It was actually a botany class that inspired me to think about the cures for cancer...and the progression therein is breath taking.... more breath taking then all the things on my bucket list...excluding motherhood.

anyways.... happy Sabbath.....Be true...Be you. The best you.